What Does It Look Like to Be Courageous in This Moment?
As temperatures drop here in the Northeast, the seasonal transition from the autumn metal element to the winter water element is approaching quickly.
Courage is one of the virtues associated with the metal and water elements of autumn and winter. When the energy starts to shift inward and downward during the cold, darker months, courage is required to withstand the long, dark, and cold winter.
What does it mean at this moment to be courageous? In the past Sacred Sunday class, we observed how courage can show up in more subtle ways.
Courage is an interesting word to contemplate. Our conditioning is to avoid, fight, or defend. Evolution has given us the capacity in our brain to self-reflect, observing what’s going on with compassion. This is the Hun, the wise, observing mind, controlling the fearful survival P'o mind.
Compassion allows us to open rather than resist. Rather than running away when we feel vulnerable, we have a wiser option: to stay. To feel what’s here.
In Tibetan Buddhism, a monk named Milarepa was known to work with his inner demons by singing out to them to visit and converse. Our demons are our shadow side, and the shadow is the unobserved parts of ourselves. If we fight the demons, it just feeds them. So, Milarepa would invite them to converse.
Like the Buddha would invite Mara to tea, Mara represents his shadow sides of doubt, fear, jealousy, rage, and all the emotions we don’t want to face. Conversing with them, or having tea, allows most of them to fade away.
But for Milarepa, a very dominant one stayed and snarled, challenging him. So Milarepa made the most brilliant move, putting his head in the demon's mouth. At that point, in full surrender, the demon vanished. All that remained was the light of pure awareness.
So what does it mean to be courageous at this time in your life?
The 'exquisite risk', as author, therapist, and meditation teacher Tara Brach shares, is a willingness to be present. It’s a risk because being willing means being vulnerable.
So first, we need to identify what the demons are.
In our society, they appear as over-consumers, numbing agents, and making the unreal others into enemies.
Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun, speaker, and author, writes, ‘When the resistance is gone, the demons are gone.’ And resistance is very sneaky. Most of the time, we don't even realize we're resisting because we are so conditioned to get busy or numb when we're uncomfortable.
In our society, the demons feed on over-consuming, numbing agents and make the unreal others' enemies.
So, we courageously look at how we individually avoid vulnerability. We often talk a lot, stay busy, prove ourselves worthy, seek approval, get distracted, and have obsessive thinking.
One of the main ways we resist our demons is by judgment. By evaluating the good and the bad, comparing ourselves to others, and judging ourselves and others, we create separateness and feed the demons.
To evolve out of the conditioned response, we cultivate a courageous presence when vulnerability is present, as the habit is to cover it up.
Here are three steps that Tara Brach shares to shift us from avoiding to courageous presence:
To notice what is stirred up in the present moment. Notice fear, anger, sadness, grief, whatever is there; allow it to be without pushing it away. Pause, and try not to avoid or numb, however that might appear. The beginning of freedom is the grounds of courageous presence.
To open directly and feel the vulnerability. Be willing to feel what is here. Contacting vulnerability with interest and kindness.
To respond to fear from our hearts, we need to acknowledge it and respond to it with love.
Notice and acknowledge the addictive behaviors we do and start to see the vulnerability that’s eliciting that behavior. Be with the vulnerability, not the addiction of avoiding, numbing, with the substance or food, sugar, internet, or the reactivity of anger, blame, or judgment.
Breathe directly into the vulnerability, however it shows up — a tight gut, a heavy heart — and surround it with compassionate love. Like you're holding a frightened child, surround the vulnerability with love. This way, you identify with the love, rather than the fear, anger, sadness, etc., that are present.
When we see this as society's plague and the work of our evolution, it then transforms from my addiction to the addiction. This helps the shame feel not so severe; it’s what we’re all struggling with. It’s not my demons, it’s the demons.
Bring to mind a person who is suffering. What does it mean to be courageous with this person? What would the quality of our words and actions be to express our courageous presence? What would it mean to love without holding back?
Courage is dropping resistance because when the resistance is gone, the demons are gone.
Hope to breathe with you soon.
From my heart to yours~
Namaste,
Maggie